A Love Letter to My Mother
This women’s day, my award goes to my mother, Usha Vyas.
Back in the hoary times, when parents were parents and not your friends, therapists, ATMs, and the cause of all your psychological problems, times were simpler. When kids belonged to moms and dads were clueless about silly details like which class we were in, if we needed to be scrubbed, fed, healed, hair oiled etc. That was all fine print to be handled by the wife, whereas they would focus on being Hunter-Gatherer-Provider to their brood.
I was born in a conservative Gujarati business family, which meant patriarchy was in full force. It was a wealthy joint-family, with businesses around India. The future was a straightforward script- boys would join the business and girls would marry someone in business. Things like education were seen as trifling details towards this grand goal.
Mummy came from a small-town family where my Nana was an erstwhile Minister of a princely state in Gujarat, later a judge. A cultured and well-read man, he valued ethical living and education as true wealth. He owned more books than money in the bank. He made sure his daughters and sons graduated well.
Mummy is 96 as I write this, so you know how amazing this was for that time. A stunningly beautiful, soft-spoken woman, she was taken aback by the culture she had walked into as a bride. Navigating bewildering equations and domestic politics was not her strength and it was hard on her. Her gentle manner belied a steely strength though and steered her way into giving us a rock-solid value system, a good education, self-respect, a love for books and a keen understanding that wealth can be transient (which was prophetic because it did indeed all go away).
The ability to stand on one’s own feet is a must, she said and had no time for sloth, kicking us out of bed to go to school or work, instilling in us three siblings, a Calvinistic work ethic. A liberal ahead of her times, she was fine with some of her kids’ many departures from Brahminical traditions of the family, marrying foreigners and stoically standing by them against all contrarian voices, for example.
She was a quiet force standing by me, a rebel, challenging and disrupting norms. We used to call her the Pandit in the family; we all owe our curiosity and love for spiritual studies to her knowledge and collection of scriptural and literary books.
I dedicate this day to all the unsung mothers like her who were quiet warriors, silently creating a new generation of Indians, who are capable, resilient, and increasingly a force to reckon with, in a new world order.
Mummy, you have been the wind beneath my wings even as I charted a different and unconventional path.
You live in my heart of course, but also in my head; your voice never fails to guide me, support me and give me the courage to battle on without losing my balance and compromising my values.
Thank you.
– Preeti Vyas